He is so thrilled when we give him even a bit of our hearts. but His heart breaks that we don’t allow him to have more freedom in our lives to work and mold and move.
the power! the sheer unbelievable, incomparable power for us who believe! and i put chains on that power, i deny the opportunity to live in it out of fear that not being in control will destroy me. i deny it because i’d rather hold tightly to my pride rather than accept my helplessness, weaknesses so poorly concealed, and surrender.
what would happen… if for one day, i lived in total trust in total truth and was totally at the disposal of Your Spirit? what would that day be like?
failure to turn everything off, put it all away, and sink into the darkness, because i can’t help but fear that something today was left undone or unsaid or undreamt.
can i let this day go? can i let it pass?
the minutes i spend attempting to hold onto it only sink me further into the solid assurance that there is nothing more that awaits me in the minutes ahead, nothing but fear as i refuse to let myself sleep. so, i will choose to stop it here, and say no to the fear, because there is a Truth-source contradicting every inclination to despair. i will say no, and refuse to let the fear take root and sink into my soul, twisting the visions that already haunt me.
what happened today is what happened, and frantically reaching to hold onto futile, empty and weightless minutes will not change the past nor help the future. sleep, sleep, and let the dreams and rest and serenity of sleep carry you into the morning, where by the grace of God you will be greeted by a new day full of possibility and hope and promise made possible by His love.
do not fear the morning, and do not fear the night, for it has all had its time and its place and has been known and foreseen by your Father since before the beginning of time. let your helplessness be your liberation, rejoice in the freedom of your complete lack of control, knowing that there is One who is Able to carry every burden and who oversees all your moments. console yourself with the knowledge that while nothing of past moments can be changed or done differently, there is nothing done or said that changes who God is or limits his ability to take those moments and transform them to be something beautiful.
let him work. just follow. and for now, sleep.