“I will be glad and rejoice in your love,
for you saw my affliction
and knew the anguish of my soul.
You have not handed me over to the enemy
but have set my feet in a spacious place”
– psalm 31:7-8
“he brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me” – psalm 18:19
it hurts to count all the ways that i attempted to flee, attempted to distance myself from this place because of the terror of letting you rip through all the comfort and safety i had constructed around me was so acutely present. it turned me to dust… and this, i could not stand. i hate being powerless, without ability to will my own movement, because my darkened heart wants to make my own way. before you shined your light on my very being, i could imagine all sorts of things in the darkness. i could imagine that i was strong, imagine that i was able. but the light revealed all that i secretly feared – that i was none of what i tried to pretend, yet all of what you said i was. but in the brokenness and inability that you pointed out as truth, your love never wavered and stayed strong – strong as the beams that hit the painful places and made them ache for renewal, for forgiveness.
i am but dust. but if you want this immobile heap of brokenness and fear, i am yours. yours to do what you will.
and just as all you said about my brokenness and inabilty was true, now there is new truth in You – to be your daughter, your delight, and your beloved forever. the truth is true, but until i embraced the first truth, the rest can never be possible.
until i acknowledge that i need saving, your saving grace cannot take me to those spacious places. until i accept that i cannot, you will never have room to show me that YOU CAN.
and only you! only you have the power and the perfect love that turns this fear to joy! that melts this fear into a flowing warmth that triumphs over dried and cracked wastelands. what was hopeless now bursts with life.
as i drowned in the details and loneliness of my self obsession, you opened up the shutters that held my vision in, and showed me the path you carved out for me, a path that leads to wide open spaces for my soul to exclaim your praises and glory!
it all whirls around me in a majestic and heart-exploding uptake of joy. what a contrast! what life in my lungs compared to the quivering wisps of oxygen i grasped at just moments before you took hold of me.
i am clean! i am free! and this, this is what i have to look forward to for all of eternity, is more of this! except that day the air will be unadulterated and not a single molecule of joy will be strained out or held back. we will drink of your life and it will run like fire down our throats.
if this is the life that pierces my soul here and now, even seeped in the brokenness of the groaning creation, oh the joy that awaits! i cannot comprehend your love, your perfect and perfecting love for me. it dances through my fingers but i cannot grasp it. it flows into my lungs but i cannot hold it there to dissect it.
a spacious place – ah breathe it in! this freedom, this life that is freely showered upon us, your people! the beloved of your creation.